Not my Mama’s broken heart

Disclaimer: this blog is not about my “Mama”. “Mama” is referring to a generation of women.

Miranda Lambert’s song compares her reaction to a broken heart with that of her mother’s.  Recently, with the astounding number of “Me too’s” that I saw and am still seeing on my Facebook feed, I couldn’t help but think about this concept.  So as the song goes, Mama is telling her daughter how she “should” act in response to something that has left her emotionally charged.  It really struck a chord with me, and I tied the two together when I read a quote from Reese Witherspoon, from her introduction speech at Elle’s Women in Hollywood event. She acknowledged that she had been sexually assaulted more than once, and then said this, “For the young women sitting in the room, life is going to be different for you because we have you, we have your back. And that makes me feel better because, Gosh, its about time.”

It got me thinking about how on the surface maybe “Mama” might appear to be able to keep it together when everything falls apart, sitting there looking demur with a powdered nose, crossed legs and her mouth closed, but where did that get Mama?  “Mama” is the voice of “just sweep it under the rug and don’t talk about it”. Say what you will about the way female expression has changed, but women just took a HUGE STEP towards finally getting the respect that we saw Jesus identify way back in biblical times!  How sad also that the Bible outlines the way women should be cherished by men but generations of women have felt like they had to put up with it or fear the consequences.

Anyway, I had a sad moment or two recalling the times that I have experienced sexual assault or harassment.  So many women are talking about assault experiences they were never able to tell anyone about! All the trauma and secrets are coming out and its sad but at the same time I know its providing so much healing.  Not only that but women are coming together to make a commitment to change things.  I challenge those of you who fall into the “Mama” category mentioned in this song, that its not too late.  As long as you’ve got breath in your lungs then we can change and encourage women to definitely speak out when they’ve been taken advantage of, teach them its not something to be ashamed of, that men don’t have the right to  treat women without dignity and that rape culture IS a thing.  If you’re not familiar with what rape culture is, its an environment where sexual violence against women is prevalent and its normalized and excused by the media or pop culture.  A common example of this would be the objectifying of women’s bodies, using mysoginistic  language and glamorizing sexual violence.  Maybe “Mama”can recognize that its wrong and its been going on for far too many generations.  I don’t even blame “Mama” for being that way, I’m sure her “Mama” must have taught her the same thing.  Meanwhile I feel like it has allowed some men to take advantage of women – and get away with it. When I think about my daughter and what I’ll teach her, one thing is certain, I hope to share a legacy that endures through ALL generations!

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The Inspiration: Miranda Lambert- Mama’s Broken Heart

I will remember you…

Legacy.  I’m not sure I thought about what this word truly means when I was young.  I’ve always been kind of an old soul so I’m not sure how it didn’t at some point smack me in the face.  Well, there comes a time in everyone’s life I think where you must face the cold hard truth.  And for me it was a few months after I had my baby girl.

Even still, the full magnitude of the word Legacy didn’t do that whole SMACK ME IN THE FACE thing until the news of the Las Vegas shooting sent our country reeling.  When 9/11 happened, I did not yet have children of my own.  I never dreamed there would be another national tragedy that would change the very way that I look at the future and the world my children and grandchildren will live in.

After a whole lot of tears and shaking my head with disbelief, processing through anger that such a senseless crime affected so many innocent lives, I began to think about my own family. I thought about things like “Wow, what if I had gone to that concert and gotten shot, what would I have to leave behind for my children?” That makes sense, because we all want to leave our children better off when we leave this world. It’s such a heartbreaking thought that so many of those affected now have such a tragic piece to their family’s legacy.

Jason Aldean spoke about his pregnant wife and how he’s distressed about the world his children will grow up in.  I have to say that is why now more than ever LEGACY isn’t just a word to think about, it’s an idea to ponder.

Before I decided to devote my life to being a Christian I had a whole different take on legacy.  Exactly that, what money will I leave for my kids, maybe property and the story of their heritage? But now I realize legacy is so much deeper than that!  In these times, especially I want my legacy to be one of love, not hate.  I want my children to be able to live in a land where they don’t fear going outside or to special events.  If people just keep getting consumed with hate, we are not moving in the right direction. We have come too far to give up on the truth we know the Bible tells us.  LOVE WINS! It’s a little hard to believe when you watch the news, where all they do is report the negative and bad things that are happening in the world.  Sure, they mix in a little hope here and there but honestly its the reason I prefer not to watch the news.

I truly believe that evil is a force in this world that is very strong.  But there is One who is stronger and He is our Lord and Savior.  More than ever I am standing firm that if ANYTHING can conquer all, its God that can.  When it’s nearly impossible to find peace in the headlines or the words coming from the mouths of those around us, there is One undeniable place that we can go.   This is the legacy I want to share with my children and grandchildren, and I don’t want to just stop with my immediate family, because we are all in the family of God.

Recently I saw a post from a celebrity girl, Sadie Robertson, that was calling other girls to not be afraid to bring their Bibles to school. I thought it was cute that she even challenged them to coordinate their Bible with their outfit.  You can say what you want to about whether a Bible belongs in school or not but, I would love it if this idea would go viral.  Maybe one girl would see another girl with a “cute book that matches her outfit” and maybe she might like the confidence and kindness and peace she sees in the girl who caries it.  And maybe she might go and buy herself a cute Bible just because suddenly it’s the thing to do.  And just maybe one day she might sit and open that Bible and view it not as a fashion accessory but as a source of peace and truth for her as well.

I heard some backlash on this where people were saying what if she gets discriminated against for carrying a Bible.  If my daughter came to me and told me that other kids were picking on her because she carried a Bible, I think I would say two things.  The same thing any parent would say about any other issue;  You stand up for what you believe in.  And this.  There are some things that are worth fighting for.  I’m not talking about fist fighting or exchange of words here.  I’m talking about how from the very beginning followers of Christ did not have an easy path.  There were so many persecuted for their beliefs.  Even Peter denied he knew Christ because of fear.  There are places in the world where choosing to be a Christian is life threatening.  I think the beauty of it for me is that I know where I’m going, if I die young or I die old. I think of it this way: “Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew‬ ‭5:10‬ ‭NIV

So, if we look back at our legacy, it really starts there with a few people who believed and spread the word to others.  Look at what that legacy has become!  I am so blessed to have experienced the amazing Love and Grace of Jesus Christ.  Its so undeniable that I’d love to share how much my life and me personally have changed just by knowing Him.

As always I must give credit where credit is due for my blog title. In her words “You gave me everything you had, Ooh you gave me life.” WHAT A LEGACY!         Sarah Maclachlan – I Will Remember You

Speaking of Legacy, perhaps you’re curious about Ruth, the inspirational woman who’s name is cleverly imbedded in my title tRUTHful online. Read more about that inspiration and legacy here: Inspiration

You Give Love A Bad Name

Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame, You give love a bad name (bad name)…
When I listen to that song I can just feel his anger, and that brings to mind a parallel idea. It’s become very obvious to me that as soon as many people hear the word “Christian” their reaction is one of disgust, anger, maybe even fear or hurt. Damaged by the church and now completely resistant to ANY Christians because of what some people did in the name of Jesus. Begin to mention your spirituality and they respond,”Nope, I know the likes of you and I’m not interested”.
So sad that this has all happened in what was supposed to be the name of Love!
     The Free dictionary defines Christian as an adjective: Manifesting the qualities or spirit of Jesus, especially in showing concern for others.
There’s also a definition that describes a Christian as: One who lives according to the teachings of Jesus. 
Jesus had a lot of teachings but I think the most basic is this:
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
‭‭John‬ ‭13:34-35‬ ‭NIV‬‬ http://bible.com/111/jhn.13.34-35.niv
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photo credit Alexandria Bouillon http://alexandriabouillon.zenfolio.com/
But what if they can’t tell because they aren’t getting “LOVE” from you?  Can you blame them for not wanting to hear what you have to say?
     I overheard a conversation where two people were talking about how the world is so much worse now and how we are clearly in a bad time to be living. I was sitting there thinking that I am excited about the moves many people are making to love everyone regardless of their race, religion, sexual orientation or political philosophy.
Isn’t that what Jesus said to do?!?
If we really want to represent Christianity to others, we aren’t going to be successful by coming up with a long list of rules and judgementally wagging our fingers when we see people doing things that are different.
     It’s cliché now and people may laugh when they hear it, but I still like the adage “WWJD:What Would Jesus Do?”
 I mean, Jesus mixed with all sorts of people, shunned no one, welcomed everyone, labored tirelessly, and made the ultimate sacrifice. What a cool dude!
So, what’s wrong with displaying kindness, tolerance, and grace to others?
If anyone judges you for loving others that is their issue, NOT yours.
I mean, it’s not a club.  WE don’t get to decide who is worthy of salvation based on what WE think is right or wrong.  And representing Christianity that way makes it sound exclusive when its meant to be ALL INCLUSIVE!
     The great thing I think about being a follower of Christ for me is that gives me the freedom to love others without judging them. Why? Because it simply isn’t my job. Nope. And I recall a great quote by one of the greatest women to ever walk out Christianity, Mother Theresa, when she said,”If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”
I find this to be a very freeing concept.
What a great legacy to live and teach my children. I can think of no better compliment than if on my gravestone the words “Known for love” Were inscribed.
     If you want to look at it from a psychological standpoint, lets explore the idea of unconditional positive regard. What it means is that you respect the person as a human being and give them the same kind of dignity you would like to receive. Basically assuming that everyone you meet is likely fighting some sort of battle and give them the benefit of the doubt that they are doing the best they can with what they have. What most people want from us is just to be heard and understood.  They are probably dealing with their own internal thoughts and what they probably need more than anything is a smile. Not a solution such as “You need Jesus”  (interpreted as judgement) or a solution to their problem.
 As Christians, we are told “Love your neighbor”. And who is your neighbor?
EVERYONE is your neighbor.
     Being a Christian holds me to a higher standard than just liking people who are like me; that’s easy and anyone can do that. Personally, I find it enlightening when I take the time to look at something from a perspective different from my own, and gaining new understanding helps me to apply the concept of appreciating everyone, even if they do not think like I do. Finally I know my “job” as a Christian is to love others, and I leave the rest up to God.  I challenge you to do the same.
And because I know the song that inspired my title will put you in a good mood, check it out here: Bon Jovi – You Give Love A Bad Name
Photo Credit: Love One Another by Alexandria Bouillion http://alexandriabouillon.zenfolio.com/

Taste and See

I was shopping at Mardel the other day. It’s typically a place I go to for some much needed solitude in my chaotic life. It’s like when I walk in the door I just feel peace. I can almost hear the “Ahhhh” resonate within me as I enter. And oddly enough I often hear a song over the loud speakers in there that feels like a direct connection to Heaven; it’s kind of surreal when that happens! During a difficult period of my life after my divorce, the song Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United (check it out here: https://youtu.be/dy9nwe9_xzw ) would play at just the right time, not just at Mardel, but on the radio and when I visited a church over a thousand miles from my home!  I figured God was trying to tell me something, and it turns out he was! I got through that rough patch in my life not by my own strength, but by persistently holding on to my Faith.

Anyway, when I walked in yesterday I realize the store was under renovation and it wasn’t the usual quiet place I go to for solitude. Jack hammers and pounding replaced the usual calm atmosphere. The total layout of the store seemed to have changed also. How strange that even amidst all that construction noise I still begin to feel the same feeling of peace that I treasure when I go there!
So I was looking around trying to find gifts to put in my daughter’s time capsule for her first birthday, thinking about things that when she is 18 years old will speak to her about her future.
I really got very introspective about the woman that she will become and how I’m going to help her develop her spirituality and identity as a woman.
I thought about the innocence of a child and how adults expose children to faith.
Then, I thought about my own experiences with learning what religion was all about.
Then I saw it….

taste

The entire verse of Psalm 34:8 reads: Taste and See that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him (NIV).

When I saw this bag I thought “how perfect?!” I mean, isn’t that exactly what we do? We give our kids a taste of what religion is. Depending on how we present it to them, that taste can be sweet, sour maybe even bitter depending on the flavor we add. I mean, will they even want to taste it if it’s presented to them in such a way? Or are we figuratively or literally cramming it down their throats while screaming “Do as I say but not as I do?”Maybe, just maybe it can be something they savor and want to taste again and again and achieve what this verse suggests, taking refuge in the kingdom of God because we know its going to be soooo good!

spices

If you are just joining my blog, here’s the back story. tRUTHful is a blog inspired by the biblical character Ruth, being one of only 2 woman who have books named after them in the old testament.  My desire is to inspire and connect with other people interested in cultivating authenticity and character by the way we lead our lives.

A beautiful fool she wasn’t

“And I hope she’ll be a fool—that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool”.
Do you know that line? It’s from  F. Scott Fitzgerald’s 1922 novel, The Great Gatsby, and it’s a quote from the iconic Daisy Buchanan when asked about her young daughter.

Ruth is one of only 2 women who have books in the Old Testament named after them. My favorite thing about Ruth is that she isn’t known for her beauty, but for her character.

The reason I find this significant is because from my viewpoint, thinking about women of that time (and it’s still prominent) the first thing that’s usually noticed or commented on regarding a woman is her beauty.
And herein lies a major issue I think females face today that can affect their ability to be authentic. I think back to times I felt so much pressure to be beautiful,and the lengths I went to fit into what our society views as beautiful.
It may seem strange to contrast the Ruth of the Old Testament with Daisy but bear with me. Daisy didn’t buck the system back in the 20s and sadly assumed her daughter was destined for the same. I’m very glad there are women today speaking out!
I listen to the lyrics to Lana Del Ray,s song Young and Beautiful from the 2013 movie and the hairs stand up on the back of my neck. Have you heard it? If not here’s a link!
Del Ray asked the question many a woman thinks about when she realizes she’s not sure she can still describe herself as young. “Will you still love me when I’m no longer young and beautiful”? You can almost hear the desperation behind the question.
It’s compelling, isn’t it?
Do men fear getting older like I do? I mean I’m sure there aren’t a lot of men out there who are afraid they’ll get traded in for a younger model (maybe literally)  just because their body has the expected wear and tear any woman who has lived and experienced fabulous days on the beach, maybe pregnancy, or perhaps child-birth and definately the effects of gravity!
I think about cultural reasons why woman develop this fear. Just watch any major movie where a male costar is like 50 and his female costar is in her 20s. What a pervasive message this sends consider how film influences our society.  Where else do many children first see relationships other than that of their parents? Then I think about how ironic it is that Reese Witherspoon is now an advocate for the limitations of women’s roles in film when I can close my eyes and still see her as the quintessential Elle Woods in Legally Blonde.  Well, she’s 41 now and in my opinion as amazing as ever!
So, it makes me smile that the story of Ruth contains no reference to her beauty and it’s not the reason we know who she is! Now that I have my own daughter I want to remember that while she is likely to always be first noticed for her appearance, I will strive to inspire in her the character and strength Ruth exudes and which gave her her place in a legacy we still talk about today!bookpink

-Here’s the back story! If you haven’t read my other blog posts my title, tRUTHful has the name RUTH cleverly embedded. She’s the inspiration for this and many other future conversations.

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