Burning House

The picture at the top of this page is of a wildfire that came within a mile of my family’s home in 2016. Fast forward, I began to pen this blog entry about a week before the news reported the tragedy of wildfires in California last year. I’ve always had this weird radar or intuition about things, but it seems kind of odd to me that I was thinking about Fire. I often lack clarity when it comes to what God is trying to tell me.

After the heartbreaking accounts of lives lost and devastation, in light of a tumultuous year of conflict and loss, the correlation made sense. Still, thinking about my own experience seemed selfish after so many had experienced serious pain and loss. I put the blog away in my drafts of unpublished blog entries. At least 85 were dead with 14,000 homes lost. It’s so hard to fathom. I had no more words.

When we think of fire or flame we often think of destruction or heartbreak and loss. Fire is scary stuff. Just a spark can ignite and quickly spread if the conditions are favorable.

🎶I’ve been sleepwalking,
Been wondering all night.
Trying to take what’s lost and broke,
And make it right.
I’ve been sleepwalking
Too close to the fire…🎶

My experience in the first part of my life was exactly that. That fire I had inside me to find what I thought I was looking for caused me a considerable amount of heartbreak, and it came to the point where I looked back at my life and saw all the destruction, too. If I’m honest, that fire came with a price when I didn’t know how to properly channel my passion. An uncontrolled burn, if you will.

But God doesn’t want us to live a life devoid of passion either. Ask someone you don’t know well what they are passionate about, and watch that spark you see within them when they talk about what that passion is to them. It’s undeniable.

That kind of Fire is something we admire in others. I’ve always had an appreciation for people who get fired up; its convicting to everyone around them. To me it demonstrates courage and tenacity. That fire inside, although unchanneled, kept me going with hope through my darkest hour.

The song “Burning House” is a heavy song, but it also reminds me of how far I’ve come; there was a time when I avoided songs that triggered difficult memories. Now I’m learning to hear songs that evoke painful memories and use that as a kind of “exposure” therapy for myself.

Another place in scripture that talks about a flame is here.

I don’t know about you, but I am fascinated with genetics, and the idea of the legacy I’ll leave behind is very important to me. My work has exposed me to a concept that suggests that pieces of our DNA carry more than just our ancestors hair color, facial features or ethnicity, but other traits, as well as their ability to be altered by our experience. So, if you want to continue the metaphor, it’s like carrying a proverbial torch that my children carry on and then my grandchildren, continuing forward. That’s Legacy!

So, how do you manage being a passionate person and keep that fire going without letting it consume you? Or how do you exist in a world that might just rather you extinguish that flame all together? Spiritual warfare is a thing!

Something that stands out to me about my personal experience is echoed in many of my other blog entries. It’s Dangerous to go it alone. Even though our culture perpetuates the idea that individuality is “where it’s at”. It’s dangerous because it’s easy to elevate yourself to an unhealthy level and then to find yourself lacking after getting to where society told you you would be happy. Isolation is a dangerous thing. Surrounding yourself with other like minded individuals helps to fuel that flame, keep it healthy and strong.

The idea I love is that chances are the “fire” within you, your passion, is a spiritual gift. Whatever your talent is, it’s something God gave you to use, in my case, to help or reach others. When you use your skills this way, it’s for His glory!

There are lots of Spiritual Gift inventories out there. If you haven’t taken one to determine your spiritual gifts, I highly recommend it. I learned a lot about myself! The world might try to say you are lots of things but a Spiritual Inventory will tell you who He says you are!

Inspiration: Cam – Burning House

Live like you were dying

I remember once being asked the question,”Would you like to know when and how you will die?” It’s one of those questions that I think most people would say “No!” to, but I didn’t answer immediately. You have to ponder whether knowing that you have x number of years to live would change anything about the way you are living now, but then there’s the flip side of knowing too much about your future, potentially resigning oneself to the outcome, or denying the notion that this sort of thing is predestined thereby removing a sense of control or choice in one’s life.

This past Sunday, a pastor challenged our congregation to consider this; what if you were told today you had 7 days til you died or Jesus returned? What would you change or stop doing? He said every person he asked all acknowledged they would sift through the junk and cut out the things that were distracting them from what was important. It definitely makes you think about the frivolous things we waste our time on.  I’m pretty sure my smartphone won’t be there as I near the end saying, “I’m happy for all the time we spent together”! 

In his song Live Like You Were Dying, Tim McGraw tells the story of a 40 something man who went to the doctor and was told his days were numbered. He poignantly asked the man the very question the pastor posed to us about how he’d live differently. The man mentions several bucket list items and then sings “And I loved deeper, And I spoke sweeter, And I gave forgiveness I’d been denying…And he said “Someday I hope you get the chance To live like you were dying.”

Isn’t it unfortunate that this man needed to be given a diagnosis to decide to do this? I’ve got to ask you, if you think you’ve got an unlimited number of days to finally get around to doing what is important, would a week be long enough to make things right in your life?

Mortality is one of life’s “givens”. Existentially, most people struggle with the idea that one day we’re all going to die.  It’s the reason some people live in fear and attempt to fabricate a very “safe” life they hope will result in living to a ripe old age, but upon arriving having to consider how much they actually lived.

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As a maturing Christian, I’m just started to embrace the idea that rather than fearing death, I need to ensure that I’m ready to go should my time come, even if it’s today or tomorrow.

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I saw this feather floating through the air and when it landed at my feet, I had a “Forrest Gump moment”.  If you’ve seen the movie, it begins and ends with a feather floating through the air, and for me it kind of reminded me of the circle of life.  Since I have a toddler at home, but also a teenager and a tween, there are a lot of “aha moments” as of late. I think for a while when my two older kids were younger it seemed like they’d be that way forever.  Fast forward to them talking about puberty and where they are growing body hair, the fact they are taller than me,and that I’m shopping for their clothes in the Men’s section of the store. I look at their baby sister and I can’t even imagine her being a teenager but I know it will come all too soon.

 Besides that, there have been several events this year that have really resonated with me; the mass shootings in Vegas and recently at a church in Texas, a family from my church who were headed out of town for vacation when they were in a terrible car crash resulting in all 4 of them being seriously injured, and a friend of mine’s Uncle passing away with no will and the ramifications that left for the family he left behind.

Not everyone gets a chance to sit on their deathbed and reminisce or regret the life they’ve led. Not everyone gets to tell their loved ones goodbye before they pass away, either. This year I’m wildly aware when I leave my family, they need to know that if for some reason I don’t make it back to them alive that they feel loved and they can go on knowing one day they will see me again.  I’m also not waiting to have those important conversations with them and having them now. My 11 year old and I decided to start doing devotionals together at bedtime. It’s a great way to connect and something we both look forward to. I definitely plan on adding more meaningful activities in, and clearing out the junk, so my family can see the things that really matter! 

Every year I have a “word” the Lord impresses on me and this year it’s been “legacy”. Read more about legacy and the meaning of my blog tRUTHful, here: tRUTHful Inspiration

Title song inspiration Tim McGraw – Live Like You Were Dying

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